The Middle Theory - A new Philosphy of Balance

The Middle Theory - Chapter Ten ("Fear")

2011-01-29T21:15:00.000-08:00

Even death is not to be feared by the one who has lived well

~The Buddha

Fear is a great valley that separates us from perfect balance. How do we cross over this valley? Better yet, how do we walk through it?

Fear cannot be ignored; it must be transcended. When fear is present, we know it. Our hearts feel it, our pores tighten, our pulse quickens; the muscles tense—fear takes control. But we can be fearless. We can move beyond fear.

When confronted by an angry dog, we are told to remain calm, to move slowly, and to refrain from running away. The dog can sense our fear. It can smell fear in the air. If we turn and run, or if our eyes are fearful, the dog knows we are afraid, and it attacks. Life is similar to the dog. When we are fearful, life knows. People know. If we fear death, death knows. If we fear failure, failure knows. Whatever we fear knows we fear it; and it will eventually attack. Therefore, fear not.

To be fearless is not to be beyond the feeling of fear, but to be beyond the control of fear. The woman that is afraid to speak but speaks anyway is being fearless. The man that is afraid to die but learns to accept death as his greatest comfort is fearless. To look fear in the eye and feel it, and to move past it, is to be fearless. How do we do this? We accept and know. We accept that life is sometimes harsh, that painful things happen, and that sometimes the nights are long. And we know that we are beyond the physical, that we are souls, that life is never lost, it is only experienced. This is how we walk through the valley of fear.

Fear can become our state of being. When this happens, we are not only fearful of a particular thing, say snakes, for example, but we are fearful of life. We are afraid to live, to be. Our lives become so over-run by fear that our every thought is fearful; our movements are fearful—we manifest fear. This is a terrible state to be in. This crippling state prevents us from loving, and it paralyzes our spiritual growth.

Fear controls much of what we do or do not do. For instance, many of us fear feeling unimportant, which drives us to do whatever it takes to move up the importance ladder. For some, importance is achieved through financial success, a large home, or even children. While these things are not bad in and of themselves, the motivation to achieve anything should never be based in fear. Anything done out of fear will not bring lasting fulfillment.

How do we deal with threats to our personal safety? How do we control fear when it’s dark, and we are alone, and someone is at the door trying to break in? Again, we simply accept and know. We accept that someone is at the door, we move to safety if we can, call the police maybe; we do whatever we can to be safe. The fear we feel in such instances is natural and normal, but even in situations where our lives are on the line, we can transcend fear. We react, we try to survive, but fear does not control us. The feeling of fear does not paralyze us, because ultimately, we know that our lives cannot be lost. This clearly is not easy. To be fearless we must overcome our fear of loss, every loss, and this requires deep inner awareness. The most pervasive kind of fear is the fear of loss. We are afraid of dying because we don’t want to lose our lives. We fear being honest because we don’t want to lose favor with others. We fear living life because we don’t want to lose ourselves. We fear exploring different religious teachings because we are afraid of losing our souls. At some level, all fear is based in a concept of loss. We can only exist as fearless human beings after we become acutely aware of the soul’s eternal existence. Until this happens, we will be spiritually hindered by the fear of losing something dear to us.

The soul must be perceived; it cannot be seen with the physical eye, or handled with physical hands. Perhaps that is why it is so easy for us to forget that we are souls and to identify only with the physical. We have to take care of our bodies, wash them regularly, provide them with nourishment several times a day, and do all sorts of other things to them so that we can remain functional. And so, it seems only natural that we would want to protect what we have become so intimate with, indeed, the only “us” we have ever seen. How can we be fearless when all it takes is a simple accident for us to be killed? How are we supposed to release ourselves from the fear of loss when it seems like we can lose everything we love in an instant? Again, to be fearless does not mean we do not feel fear at times. If a loved one dies, there will be pain; the heart will ache. If a robber pulls out a gun, and screams, “Get down or I’ll shoot!” the heart may race, but even in that moment of fright, or during the pain of loss, we can move past fear. It can be done. It is not easy to do, but it can be done. We must accept and know. This is the remedy for all fears.

In this earthly realm, we exist as body, mind, and soul. We are having an experience of who we are based on these three realities. Bullets and knives may not harm the soul, but they can destroy the body. And we use our bodies every day. So, how do we let go of our attachment to the body? How can we simply accept and know? Really, how do we forget that we are physical creatures who bleed if cut, starve if deprived of food, who suffer and eventually die? We do not forget anything. We feel. We see the body: the hands, the feet, the eyes, and the skin. We have a human experience, and then, we choose to move beyond the body. We can, through meditation, prayer, and love, transcend the framework of the body. We can sense our true substance, our souls. We must become quiet, move our thoughts to a place within, and gradually we will see that the valley of fear is a field shrouded in darkness, and though cold and gloomy, it is only a field. We can walk through the field, guided by the light of our being, and we can reach our state of balance, a state where fear no longer controls us. In short, to move past the fears associated with the body, we must have a personal experience of existing beyond the body.

Though it is extremely rare, many outstanding spiritual figures throughout the ages have manifested the fruit of fearlessness. The Fearless Ones share a common path—their lives are an expression of their souls’ desires. They dwell in a spiritual kingdom of love. They represent the Kingdom of God on earth because they manifest the unfathomable love of God. These fearless beings have learned and have sought to teach the rest of humankind that love is a creative energy that helps to mold our reality into a peaceable place. Fear is a creative energy that acts in opposition to love, by “short-circuiting” our ability to trust—ourselves, others, and God.

Do nothing out of fear. Do not marry because you fear being alone; marry because romantic love has lifted you to new heights. Do not fear ignorance, but love and acquire knowledge. Do not fear getting fired; instead, make a living out of doing something you love. Do not fear getting sick; work at being healthy. Have no fear of evil; love righteousness. Do not fear death, but simply love life. Have no fear of anything. Fear and love are powerful forces. The important difference is that love creates what your soul desires passionately, and fear manifests what you are fearful of most. Be mindful of this.

The Middle Theory

Elements of Happiness - Part 3

2010-05-14T23:55:00.000-07:00

In part 2 of my blog entitled Elements of Happiness I addressed the question, How do we achieve the sought after condition of happiness? For context, you may wish to read the first two blogs before proceeding.

In this final blog of the series entitled Elements of Happiness I will address a very important question: Once achieved, how do we make happiness last?

All of us experience moments that we casually describe as happiness. We have all heard things like this or that day was the happiest day of my life or I felt so happy when this or that happened. Our experience of happiness, even those of us who feel we are fundamentally happy, is often transient. We are happy based primarily on what is happening around us. Clearly, if our sense of happiness is based primarily on what is happening in our external environment, then our happiness will be very tenuous.

Consider for a moment that what we typically describe as happiness - transient feelings of elation - is merely the outer surface of happiness, feelings based on our conditional responses to various external stimulus. True happiness, happiness anchored to our inner condition, not to external conditions, transcends feeling and is better described as a state of being.

Feeling good is a great and wondrous thing, but this is not happiness in its essence. Many things make us feel good: sex, drugs, music, laughter, a massage, and so on. What happens to our state of being when the music stops playing or the massage ends? Do we suddenly become preoccupied with completing this or that task or find that our inner dialogue is jumbled, mixed with pessimism, harsh judgments of others or ourselves or feelings of insufficiency (she doesn't look good, I am too fat,I need more money). If this often happens to us, it doesn't mean that we are necessarily unhappy, but is does indicate that we have not yet attain a state of being where quietude and solace pervades our inner reality.

Most of us chase emotional highs as though we are happiness addicts. We need not judge ourselves harshly for behaving like this. It is to be expected. Everyone wants to feel good. Like children, we chase after what we perceive will be fun and exciting. This is very normal behavior; however, if we desire to mature spiritually, to become immersed in happiness, we have to consciously end this chase, and, through daily meditation that helps to heighten our awareness of life's spiritual basis, attain what I describe in The Middle Theory as a balanced state of awareness.

Earlier I mentioned that true happiness is beyond feeling and is better described as a state of being; that state of being is one of balanced awareness.

Daily Meditation....if you were reading carefully, this phrase would have jumped out at you. Yes, daily meditation is a key element of the "immersion" process. Daily meditation can take many different forms: prayer, quiet sitting, deep reflection, reading of sacred writings, and so on. What is most essential is that we create a space for meditation every single day, as though it were the only pool of water in a vast dessert that we must dip from everyday. During our daily meditation, if we are truly detached from the world around us, we become more aware of our vast and glorious inner reality that transcends feelings. In moments of deep meditation, our hearts expand, our minds become illumined, and we "touch" the very ground of being that created and sustains all life. Isn't this a miraculous thing!

So daily meditation is key to sustaining our condition of happiness; without it, we will be emotionally tossed around on the surface of life like an unanchored boat.

Another important element of our full immersion into happiness is constant gratitude. By being thankful for everything in our lives, even for our difficulties, we expand our awareness of life's essential goodness. Try this, the next time something happens that would normally make you react in anger or frustration, stop and smile on the inside and allow the experience to wash over you as though you were a pebble at the bottom of a bustling stream. Don't pretend that you do not feel angry in that instant, simply notice that you feel angry and allow that feeling to be absorbed by the deepness of your presence. If you practice this, you will soon notice that there is a part of you that transcends everything around you, and that your being is eternal in nature.

The final element of sustaining a condition of happiness is service. By service I mean conscious and consistent use of our energy to help others progress materially and spiritually. Service in not an act, it is an attitude based in humility that motivates us to become hands feeding the needy or arms embracing the hurt. To serve is to literally become an instrument of peace. When we attain an attitude of service, the simple act of breathing will bring us immense joy, for we will know that the air that fills our lungs is filling it for the purpose of aiding our service to humanity.

In this third and final blog of the series Elements of Happiness, we have explored three key elements of sustaining our condition of happiness, namely:

1. Daily meditation
2. Constant gratitude
3. Service

I trust that you have found the three blogs in this series enlightening and useful. Very soon, I will begin a new series of blogs centered on the concept of balance....I hope you will join me once again.

Deshon

The Elements of Happiness - Part 2

2010-03-17T09:50:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends,

Thank you for being here.

I began this blog a few weeks ago to share insights from my new book, The Middle Theory. In my first blog I asked three questions:

1. What is happiness?
2. How do we achieve this sought after condition?
3. Once achieved, how do we make it last?

I think you would agree that these are three very important questions. In my first blog, I answered the first question. If you haven't read that blog as yet, please consider reading it before you proceed. Thank you.

So, let's have the question again...

How do we achieve this sought after condition? How can we be (not feel) happy?

Let's first agree on what is not happiness. Happiness is not simply a feeling. Happiness is not being successful. Happiness is not having a lot of money in the bank. Happiness is not being physically healthy. Happiness is not having a lot of really great friends....happiness is not anything outside of you.

Now I know many of you have heard this before. Perhaps you are a little suspicious of this idea. It is very important that we know what happiness is not, because if we do not we will continue to chase after happiness as though it is playing hind-and-seek with us.

Happiness is, as described in The Middle Theory, attaining a condition of balanced awareness.

What is balanced awareness? It is a heightened state of awareness that allows us to love fully, ourselves, others and the very "isness" of each moment. So let's rephrase the earlier question:

How do we attain a balanced state of awareness?

Aha, that's the question! Accept for a moment that there is such a thing as a "balanced state awareness". Perhaps you have had moments in your life when you felt completely at peace with reality, where your entire being seemed to be in sync with the flow of life's currents--its events, its unpredictable happenings. Imagine that this harmonious moment is your continuous experience of life. Imagine that! Now you understand what it feels like to attain a balanced state of awareness. But remember, this state is beyond feeling....it is beyond anything that we can see or touch; it is your essence.

To attain a balanced state of awareness requires different things depending on where we are at in our spiritual journey. Ultimately, however, we pass through the same "lands". Here they are:

1. The land of doubt
2. The land of search
3. The land of sacrifice
4. The land of service
5. The land of true understanding
6. The land of acceptance
7. The land of certitude
8. The land of love.

Note that the "land" of love is number 8, the last land - the ultimate place to be. Given this, a simple answer to the original question is this: be love. Decide right now - don't delay for a second - to be love. Start by knowing that you are an unfathomable creation of an All-loving Creator. Know that no matter what your troubles are, you are loved by your Creator. Know and love this very moment. It is what it is. You are here, thinking, reading, questioning, examining....loving. Be love! Be love everyday, as much as you can. When you notice that you are not being love, stop whatever you are doing. Sit for a while. Pray or meditate. Take a deep breath. Just stop doing and consciously decide to bring whatever you are doing into alignment with your desired condition of "being love." If we make a serious commitment to be love in every moment, gradually, as we pray and meditate daily to deepen our awareness of our own thoughts and motives, our actions (our doings) will manifest our condition of being - we will be loving to ourselves and to others spontaneously and with ease.

So, that's it. To be happy, we have to be and manifest love. Haven't we heard this before? It's amazing how we often overlook simple wisdom when we are in the land of search.

I will end by saying that I love you. I love that you are here existing with me. We are brothers and sisters of conscious existence.

Look out for my next blog....I will answer the third and final question:

Once achieved, how do we make it last?

Yes, we do not arrive when we achieve a balanced state of awareness. As blissful as this state is, we can, if we do not constantly bring our doing into alignment with the "beingness" of love, fall from grace, so to speak. Knowing how to remain in a state of balanced awareness is very important.

Be love.

Deshon

The Elements of Happiness

2010-02-17T13:44:00.000-08:00

Hello!

I've finally given in to my urge to blog! I am glad you have joined me. This will be a wonderful and fun experience. We will learn new things about what's most important: love, family, friendship, happiness, peace (both inner and outer), God, hope and much more. Our blueprint will be The Middle Theory, my first published work. Writing this book changed my life; indeed, it may be truer that I wrote The Middle Theory because I was changed in an instant 10 years ago when I had an incredible spiritual experience - the kind of experience that you read about, but never imagine will happen to you.

And so we are here together....thank you. Thank you too to those who have read The Middle Theory or are reading it now. No doubt your awareness has expanded and your vision of reality - a reality that always holds the potential for balance - is clearer. The e-mails I am receiving from around the world never fail to buoy my spirits.

So let us begin.....

What is happiness?

How do we achieve this sought-after condition?

Once achieved, how do we make it last?

These are arguably the three most important questions we can ever ask. Some would argue that they are also the three most difficult questions to answer. What if we really knew the answers to these questions? How might our lives change? The Middle Theory provides a simple answer to the first question:

Happiness is the reward for utilizing the force of love to create peace; there can be no greater reward.

It is possible that you have never thought of happiness as a reward. It is also very likely that you have never before connected happiness with the utilization of the force of love. Love, a force? OK, let's take a closer look at this piece of wisdom. What is really being said?

Happiness, as we all know, is a condition of being. When we are truly happy, we not only feel happy, but we are happy. Feelings are as fickle as the wind. One stubbed toe can cause us to go from feeling swell to feeling angry or frustrated in an instant. When we are happy our being - our motivations, perceptions, emotions....our awareness - achieves a condition of balance. We may not feel happy in every instant, but as long as our outlook is positive and our aspirations motivate us to be consistently honest, caring, and compassionate, we will be happy.

Feeling happy is not the same as being happy, as I just illustrated; however, when we are happy, we usually feel happy happy as well.

If you don't feel happy at this moment - perhaps you haven't felt truly happy in a while - ask yourself, how am I being at this very moment? Am I utilizing the force of my being (my thoughts and actions) to nurture peace within myself and around me? Are my thoughts positive and uplifting? What about my actions? Are they loving, gentle, and sincere? In answering these questions, we can increase our awareness of our state of being and thereby gain insight into the cause of our feeling of unhappiness. Remember, you are never unhappy because of what you are doing, but because of who you are being. When we understand this universal truth, we can advance towards deeper states of balanced awareness; in the process we "receive" the reward of happiness.

A quick note about the use of the word reward in the earlier quote from The Middle Theory. Generally speaking, a reward is something given or received in return for a service rendered. This definition has application here. From now on, think of happiness as the gift life freely gives us when we consistently use the energy of our beings to manifest the attributes of love - patience, humility, inner balance, harmony, fairness, and so on- within ourselves and within the world around us. There can truly be no more precious gift than this.

I will continue in my next blog to answer the second question posed earlier. My third blog will be an answer to the third question.

Again, thank you for joining me on this journey of awakening.....

Deshon